I'm an asshole, and I love it

When I start my day I wake up and go through a specific every day routine. I go to the kitchen and pour myself a bowl of magically delicious lucky charms. Once I finish my delectable feast of sugared corn product I take my bowl full of milk and throw it on my front lawn, adding it to a vast collection of various trash, and by doing so I devalue the surrounding property. Oh, whats that Mr. Neighbor, you want to move away from the asshole next door? Well too bad, the only way you're going to sell your house is if you pay someone for it. Anyway, after I eat and bring my neighborhood's property value down I walk to my bathroom. Once I arrive at my neighbor's porch I take a graceful squat and release the content of my bowels. I pick up the newspaper sitting on his front steps and walk back home to my shower. Once I'm done cleaning my emaculate body I step out of the shower but leave the water running. I'm sorry, is there some type of global water crisis going on? Well you can suck it. If I want to keep my water running until 8 at night I will.

Anyway, from there I proceed to school (I'm well aware that I skipped the part where one typically gets dressed) and I commit treason, rebellions, various felonies bla bla bla etc etc. I am not going to elaborate because I don't feel like it.

So at the end of one of these routines on a particularly fateful day I had a revelation, an epiphany of sorts. I'm an asshole and I love it. There is nothing I love doing more than being an asshole. Annoying the people that will serve me in the future is the most satisfying thing on the planet, maybe short of taking a dump on your neighbor's porch.

A man had passed by my house one day and told me that he was lost and could use some help. I laughed in his face and called him a loser. Then as he walked off in search of where ever he needed to be I got in my car and followed him with the windows down, taunting him and giving him false directions and telling him how cool the inside of my car was with the AC on max and the windows down. In years to come that man will be telling his fellow slaves how King Stallion had laughed in his face and graced him with a bounty of insults. Then he will be respected among the slaves and viewed as one who had been touched by royalty. He will become the alpha slave, which is somewhat like being a short person among midgets. So as you can see me being an asshole has obvious benefits for just about everyone. No need to thank me now, you'll be doing that in the future.